The Light
by theonewhoneversleeps
Summary: Alec and Jace are parabatai, and get along like brothers, but inside Alec feels differently. Set immediately before CoB, we find out what would happen if Alec were a little more pushy, and Jace were more boy-inclined.
1. Chapter 1

**I thought there was something of a dearth of Jalec fics, so I'm starting a long one. There will be _plenty_ of smut (there's already some in this first chapter!) and lots of sexiness. This chapter is a bit short because I didn't want to shove 2,000 words in your faces right away. Please review, whether you enjoy it or not, and tell me what to improve and what to include! Enjoy!**

_Do not go gentle into that good night.  
>Rage, rage against the dying of the light.<em>

_-Dylan Thomas_

Alec Lightwood sat up suddenly in his bed, covered in a light sheen of sweat, and trembling slightly. With eyes wide open, he looked wildly around, and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Through the one small window in his room, sunlight was beginning to show.

If anyone else had been there, they might have thought he was having a nightmare, judging from his frightened expression and distress. Sometimes he spent whole nights in a state of what seemed to be agony. They would have had no clue what was really going though his head.

It seemed to him that it happened every night now. He couldn't have what he wanted during the day, so every time he went to sleep, he knew what he would see; the one thing he couldn't have.

His adoptive brother, Jace.

With a gentle _whumph_ sound, he fell back onto his pillow. It was so tempting to finish off the problem (the rather large problem) that had been caused by his usual dream. It wouldn't hurt anyone, he reasoned, and no one would ever find out. Sure, it might make things infinitely more awkward, but only on his side. Jace would never know. With a sigh of disappointment in himself, that he was giving in once again, he reached down, underneath the blankets, and let his thoughts drift back to what he had been dreaming about…

_Jace was above him, his lips hovering a scant centimeter away from Alec's. His beautiful golden eyes were pursuing Alec's, never letting him look away. It was like every moment that the two of them had met eyes, but with the shared passion that Alec had always longed for. Then suddenly, Jace's lips were on Alec's and his hands were everywhere._

_With the smirk that Alec knew so well, the one that never failed to send a bolt of desire straight through him, he started moving lower, all the while kissing Alec's skin. His lips never lost contact with the smooth surface that was scattered with scars of old Marks. Then he stopped, just inches above the waistband of Alec's boxers, the only thing he wore to bed every night. Giving his trademark smirk, he looked up at Alec, teasing. The quirk of his mouth was lovely, but Alec wanted those lips to be doing something else as soon as possible._

_Jace gave him an impudent wink, and licked a long line from the waistband up to Alec's bellybutton. "Fuck, Jace," Alec said. He got an innocent look in return. "Just do it already."_

_Jace kissed Alec's navel gently, and with a swift movement, pulled his boxers down. With no warning, Jace's lips were on Alec's cock, giving long probing licks as he prepared his long-time friend, and current boyfriend. Alec groaned involuntarily as Jace sucked him farther into the hot recess of his mouth, and started to massage Alec._

Alec was utterly lost in the images of his fantasy, when suddenly there was a knock on the door, and without warning, it sprang open. With a stifled yelp, Alec withdrew his hand at lightning speed and tried to arrange the blankets to look like he had just woken, and hadn't been doing…exactly what he'd been doing. Despite that, he couldn't hide his flushed face or heavy breathing.

Jace was standing in the doorway, fully dressed in Shadowhunter gear "Alec! You know we've got to go check out that building today on the east side. Isabelle said she thought there were some demons there—or maybe just squatters, she wasn't really sure—so get your ass out of bed so we can eat breakfast, and then we're on patrol." Finishing his rant, he leaned against the doorway. Then his eyes narrowed as he fully took in Alec's appearance. Finally a grin broke out on his face. "Oh," he said knowingly, "sorry Alec, I can see you were, ah," he raised his eyebrows sardonically, "occupied before I came in here." His mouth quirked in a way all too reminiscent of the images that had been going through Alec's head moments before. Alec had to stifle a groan at the sight.

"Uh, yeah," he managed to force out as way of a reply. His dick was aching from the strain of having to sit here acting as if everything was perfectly fine, and this was only a bro moment, nothing else.

"I'll leave you here to finish up," again, that horrible smirk from Jace, "but come down to breakfast. Isabelle has managed to make semi-edible scrambled eggs." With that he closed the door, leaving Alec to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, I hope you had a good week! This chapter is a little longer, but there's no smut-sorry! However, I've already got a lot of the next chapter in my head, including some smut, and it should be up soon. Whatever that means...**

**Enjoy!**

Alec decided to skip the shower for now, and go straight to breakfast instead. He knew perfectly well how long it would take him to finish showering, and how long it would take him to…finish, as it were. He rummaged through his wardrobe and found the Shadowhunter gear that he needed. Hurriedly, he pulled on the protective gear, and grabbed a few of his favorite weapons while he was at it.

When he reached the dining table, only Isabelle and Jace were there. Their parents were both away on business for the Clave, but didn't know when they would be back. Isablle had fixed him a plate of eggs that, as Jace had said, looked fairly edible, and a few pieces of toast that had been buttered. Gesturing at it, he muttered, "Thanks," with a glance at the two of them. Jace waved him off, and Isabelle didn't look up from the thick book she was reading.

"Where are we going again?" Alec asked, eating quickly. Being around Jace after such a morning made him feel fidgety and burned out at the same time, and he resisted the urge to put his head in his hands and then go back to bed. He had a horrible headache—the typical reaction to his daily guilt about Jace.

Across the table, Isabelle looked up and waved a brochure at him. Depicted on it were towering new apartment buildings with the "cheap" prices advertised on it. "Possibly some demons hanging out. Since there's nothing better to do, we thought we could head over there, and then go to Taki's for lunch."

Alec suppressed a sigh, and felt his headache grow a bit stronger. Recently he'd started to hate it when they went to Taki's. It used to be one of his favorite places to go, whether to hang out or get something to eat, but now he dreaded it every time they went. Ever since Kaelie started working there. He would never forget the night that it had suddenly dawned on him exactly how active Jace's "love" life was…

* * *

><p><em>Jace, Isabelle, and Alec were sitting at their usual table, about to enjoy a well-deserved late dinner. They had been out hunting the whole afternoon, and hadn't had time to stop for something to eat since their short break for lunch.<em>

_Alec was feeling especially good. He had felt perfectly in sync with Jace that day, the individual link between them, the way they could predict each other's moves, had seemed stronger than ever. He didn't want to let himself hope too much, but there was always the quiet belief in the back of his head that maybe someday Jace would feel the same thing he did; that they weren't only meant to be parabatai. The implication of that title said they were closer than brothers—but what did that mean? He knew what he wanted to exist between them, but would it ever happen?_

_On a normal day, asking himself that question that constantly plagued his mind would have made him feel depressed, but on this day it didn't send the usual pang of hopelessness through him. Instead he listened to the idle conversation and watched Jace intently, memorizing again exactly how he looked, even though his every feature was already sunk into Alec's mind._

_All three of them looked up as the waitress approached their table. Reactions varied. Isabelle's face displayed a flash of annoyance, and then it was gone just as fast when she was assured that the other girl was not as beautiful as her. Alec noted that she would be considered quite pretty. She was dressed up like a mundane, wearing a plain white t-shirt that revealed the white bra underneath, and jean shorts despite it being cold out. She had long, haphazardly styled blonde hair, and strange eyes that made him look a little harder, and past the glamour. He realized that she had wings; clearly she was a faery. Uninterested, he looked away—and directly at Jace who was sitting across the table from him. He immediately regretted it. Jace was looking at her with an expression Alec knew all too well. It was the look he got when he fought; all fire blazing in his eyes, and intentions to do nasty things. Whether they would be enjoyable as well was always to be seen._

_It made Alec feel sick to see that look. He wanted this girl, it was obvious that Jace did, and Alec couldn't stand it._

_Even worse, however, was the look the waitress gave Jace. She smiled widely, displaying white, dangerous-looking teeth, and a vibe of pure lust seemed to radiate off of her, directed straight towards him. Alec knew that look as well—it was a bit like the looks that pretty much every girl gave Jace when they saw him. Except that usually Jace didn't reciprocate in any way, just basked in it._

"_Jace," she said as way of greeting them. She let his name drop off her lips in a sensual drawl._

_Isabelle had the annoyed look permanently glued to her face. She waved her hand rudely in front of the girl's face. "Hi," she said, snapping her fingers. "I'll have a chocolate shake, and a shitake salad."_

"_Kaelie," Jace said to the girl, completely ignoring Isabelle. He looked her up and down slowly, and smiled._

_There was some small talk that involved a lot of innuendos, but Alec didn't like to remember that part when he replayed the painful memory in his head. Afterwards he stammered out his order, and Isabelle left for the bathroom._

"_So, you and ah…" Alec trailed off awkwardly._

"_Kaelie?" Jace said with a smirk. "Yeah."_

"_Yeah?" Alec repeated. He was wondering if this was some kind of guy-code that he hadn't learned._

_Jace raised an eyebrow. "Do you want details?"_

"_Um, no…" Alec said. He wasn't lying, but he couldn't help the curiosity about what "yeah" meant._

_Just then Isabelle came back. She slid into the booth next to Jace, and propped her elbow on the table, resting her chin in her hand. "Jace, was it really necessary to make fuck-eyes at that girl?"_

_He gave her an innocent look. "If we have, as you say, 'fucked,' then yeah, it's necessary. Or at least polite."_

"_Whatever," Isabelle said._

_Alec felt like his blood had frozen. Up until that moment, he hadn't realized how far Jace had gone with girls. Maybe he hadn't wanted to know, shoved it into the back of his head and never looked at the thoughts. Now though, he couldn't stop looking at them, or rather, he couldn't stop them from staring him straight in the face. The reality was bashing his head in—Jace plus Kaelie equaled sex._

_Isabelle must have seen the look on his face, because she laughed. Of course she couldn't know how much Alec was hurting, but the derisive snicker pained him more anyway. "You don't want to know how many girls he's had, believe me."_

_Alec was sure she was right. He gave a small nod and preoccupied himself with staring at the table._

* * *

><p>The buildings looked empty from the outside, but that guaranteed nothing. All three of them had their weapons at the ready.<p>

It was a good thing too, because they were barely three steps in the door when they were attacked from every angle. With deadly intensity, Alec, Jace and Isabelle threw themselves into their corners of the fight.

Isabelle dispatched two of the demons rapidly, her electron whip flashing through the air with unparalleled speed. However a third appeared on her right side, and then, seeing what she had reduced the others to, it retreated up the stairs. With a threatening growl, she raced to follow it.

Meanwhile, Alec and Jace were on opposite sides of the room, fighting hard. Jace managed one kill easily, but was fiercely battling another. His eyes flashed as he feinted and lunged. The demon managed to swipe at his shoulder with a thin, poisonous-looking tail. He stumbled, losing a precious second, and the demon lunged.

Alec, who had just finished off the two he had been fighting, turned to see Jace falter. He moved immediately to help him, feeling the rush of adrenaline that pierced him whenever he saw Jace in danger. With all the speed that his training gave him, he raced towards his parabatai, wasting no time when Jace's life was in danger.

As he did though, Jace looked up, smiled, and as the demon went for his throat, he aimed a swift upward slash at its heart. It disintegrated into a puddle of horrible-smelling ichor.

Alec reached Jace and pushed him against the wall with the speed he had been going at. Anger welled up in him. "Why did you do that, you idiot?" he said with as much fury as he could muster, which wasn't much. The relief he felt that Jace was okay was unbelievable. Although he knew that Jace was one of the best Shadowhunters there was, it still scared him every time he saw something like the stunt that Jace had just pulled.

Jace brushed himself off, and looked down to where Alec's hands were on his shoulders. "Idiot," he mused. "Now that seems uncalled for. I was obviously able to take care of myself."

Abruptly, Alec felt a rush of heat go through him. He was _way_ too aware of his hands on Jace's body, even if there was a layer of the usual armor they always wore between them. Even though he knew that there was no way Jace could feel anything for him, he couldn't help but look into Jace's eyes, searching for some sign that he had a feeling, whether it was mild interest or underlying, deep love.

His breathing quickened, and as he stared at Jace, he realized that the other boy's eyes had lost their joking quality, and the sarcasm he carried with him had vanished from the lines of his face, and he was looking back at Alec with an emotion he didn't recognize. Alec felt as if his chest was bound tight, and he couldn't get enough air, and he couldn't look away, and he thought he saw Jace's head incline the slightest fraction towards him…

"By the Angel, I hate those things," Isabelle announced as she came down the stairs. She had managed to stay free of ichor, though there were two shallow cuts on her arm.

Alec and Jace sprang apart. Alec started tugging nervously on his gear, reassuring himself that nothing had happened. Jace didn't look at him, and simply said to Isabelle, "Lunchtime?"

But Alec wasn't going to forgot how Jace had looked back at him any time soon. There had been something there—he just didn't know what.


	3. Chapter 3

**I should know better than to tell people when I'll update...well, anyway, here's chapter three. A bit longer, and hopefully fairly entertaining for you. It's got everything: romance, angst, humor! Enjoy, and review if you are so inclined!**

The raid on the new buildings had clearly turned out to be worth it. The demons in there were enough to give the three of them a nice, rousing fight. However now, afterwards, they were bloody, tired, but first and foremost hungry.

They entered Taki's and sat at their favorite table, Jace swaggering in like he owned the place. Isabelle strode after him, stealing the thunder, and Alec slunk in behind, hoping that they could avoid one pretty, petite waitress who always seemed to find them. Alec knew that Jace and Kaelie weren't in a real relationship, they just slept together sometimes, but it still bothered him.

Thankfully, today Kaelie wasn't around. Alec breathed a sigh of relief, and tried to avoid Jace's eyes. What was that, when they had killed the demons? He had always enjoyed the heightened closeness between them, but he had never felt anything like that. Nothing that had seemed so real…

The anxiety and elation built up as he tried to act normal, the way they always did at lunchtime, joking and talking. But he couldn't keep it up when Jace and Izzy started discussing exes, and even worse, people they were currently fucking. Well, not currently, like _now_, because although the image of Jace naked, on the table, having sex, was undeniably hot, it made Alec a bit nauseous when he had to remind himself that it would be a girl underneath Jace. And Izzy…let's not even go there. The brief image of his sister doing…things…on in the booth made him feel _really_ sick.

With an almost inaudible growl, Alec pulled out his knife, and started digging it into the wood of the table. The conversation between Isabelle and Jace was nearly obscured by the angry pounding of blood in his ears. With a vicious twist, he mutilated the already much-abused table, digging a chunk out of it with his blade. Abruptly he realized that thanks to his frustration, he would have to spend some time tonight honing his knife. The thought gave him a weird satisfaction, in a masochistic way. He could punish himself for caring so much about Jace. For loving him.

"Jeez, Alec, what's up with you?" Isabelle exclaimed, seeing the table where he had attacked it. "Issues much?"

Alec mumbled something unintelligible, even to him. He didn't know what to say. He knew about a million things he _could _say, but what he _should_ say was always an entirely different story. For example, right now he _could _say, "Oh nothing is up really, I'm just in love with Jace over there, the guy who is supposed to be like a brother to me, as I've loved him since I was about ten. Surprised you haven't noticed yet."

What he _should_ say was completely foreign to him, and he stuck with his inaudible excuses.

He missed the look that Jace gave him.

Thankfully, their food came, and for a few minutes they ate without saying much to each other. Alec kept his eyes downcast on his food, which wasn't unusual for him. He generally was the one who was being studied not the one who studied others. Therefore, he didn't notice the way Jace was intently gazing at him. The blonde boy's eyes flicked over every inch of Alec, taking in the way he avoided talking or even making eye contact with both Izzy and himself, and the way he seemed tense, his shoulders hunched slightly to protect him from some threat in his mind. Nevertheless, Jace thought, it was the same old Alec sitting across from him. It was just that that there was clearly something on his mind.

"Alec," Jace said suddenly, cutting off Isabelle, who had been explaining how one could, if so inclined, climb out of the second floor hall bathroom and down to the street, if, for example, one was grounded for a month.

Alec looked up so abruptly that he thought he might have gotten whiplash. Bringing his arm up quickly to rub his neck where it had twinged, he knocked over the tall pitcher of ice water that had been left at their table. "Shit." He grabbed all three of their napkins, and started trying to mop up the small ocean of water that was flooding in a waterfall over the side of the table.

"Here, let me get that for you," said someone. Alec looked behind him, and was temporarily blinded. Beside their table had appeared a boy, seemingly out of thin air, who looked about their age—maybe a bit older, 19 or so—with clothes that could only be described as sparkly, glamorous, eye-catching…

And…sexy?

Yes. Sexy.

His jeans were tighter than any Alec had ever seen, and he doubted he would see again. They molded perfectly to this boy's legs, ass, and other…parts. The tank top he was wearing was completely covered in glitter, and his hair was coated liberally as well, and stood up in spikes all over his head. He was beautiful.

Alec could feel a blush creeping up into his face, though it wasn't so much creeping as it was racing with the speed and impact of a freight train. He looked down—noting the black vinyl boots—and realized that the table was completely dry, and the floor was no longer becoming a swimming pool. He looked back up in shock. The boy winked at him.

"Don't worry Shadowhunter, I won't bite. Just thought you could use some help. In fact, if you ever need something else," was Alec imagining the emphasis on those words? "you can call me." He held out his hand and a card appeared, which he offered to Alec. Dazedly, he took it, and held it out in front of him, trying to read the shifting, shimmery letters that were printed on purple paper. "Ciao," the mysterious visitor said, and turned, heading for the door. Right before he walked out, he paused by the door, and gave a small wave over his shoulder.

Jace and Isabelle, who had been staring at Alec and the boy alternately throughout the conversation, seemed to come out of their daze. Isabelle made an impatient grab across the table at the card he was still holding. He relinquished it, and let her read it rapidly. She let out a little, controlled scream of excitement.

"Alec! That was the Magnus _Bane_!" Seeing Alec's complete lack of response, Isabelle leaned on the table, looking straight into his eyes very accusingly. "Tell me you know who Magnus Bane is," she said flatly.

Feeling a bit exasperated, Alec shook his head.

"WHAT?" Isabelle shrieked. Not even noticing the looks she was getting from pretty much everyone within a 500 foot radius from her, she speared him with a glare and said, "he's the _High Warlock of Brooklyn._ He throws the most ridiculous parties, and it's impossible to get an invite unless you're someone _really_ important. To him, that is. Although," she added thoughtfully, "to be honest, he doesn't really care if the most random people show up, as long as they have fun. I should know."

Jace had been silent, but that didn't mean he wasn't expressing his opinion. His mouth had been stuck in a smirk since Magnus had waltzed out the door. Alec had not been oblivious to The Smirk, being all too familiar with it.

"It seems," Jace finally said, after Isabelle had finished explaining how absolutely amazing Magnus's parties were, "that Alec just got hit on."

Alec thought his heart might have stopped. His thoughts went racing in every direction, and met at one burning point at the forefront of his mind: _fuck._

Fuck was right. _Jace knows. Izzy knows. They're going to tell everyone. I could be condemned by the Clave. My parents will disown me. I've been found out—_

Isabelle laughed, and Jace joined her with a slightly strained smile. "I can't believe he thought you were gay!" Isabelle exclaimed.

"Yeah. Really," Jace added in a monotone. His eyes were narrowed a bit as he gave Alec a look that the other boy completely missed.

Alec breathed a sigh of relief, and managed a fake smile, as if he was just as amused as the two of them. "I guess he was mistaken."

* * *

><p>Back at the Institute, the three of them retreated into their own rooms. After aimlessly wandering around for a few minutes, not sure what to do, Alec picked up the knife that he had dulled at Taki's, and started to hone it's edge again, back to its former perfection. It was his personal obsession and distraction, making sure that every weapon he owned was in perfect shape, and that his training was enough to bring his body to the edge of what he could do. It satisfied him to push himself.<p>

The quiet scraping of the blade lulled him into a kind of meditation, and his mind stopped wandering restlessly the way it had been since the strange encounter with Magnus. He still didn't know what to think about that, so he didn't think at all.

Despite his calm however, he still jerked, startled, when his door opened without warning. Jace slipped in without a word, and closed the door. He stood in front of it and met Alec's eyes. Not a single sound passed between them.

As if he thought Alec was a wild animal, prone to bolting at any sudden movies, Jace carefully padded like a lion across the room, trying not to startle him. His eyes stayed trained on Alec as he circled around to where Alec was sitting on the bed and sat beside him.

Alec couldn't escape the golden irises locked with his. He couldn't even process what was happening. His heart felt like it would be out of his chest.

But that was nothing compared to how he felt when Jace breached the small distance between them, and touched his lips to Alec's.

A flash of heat seemed to bloom on his skin. For a second he wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure if he should believe this was happening. It seemed like he dreamed about this happening every night, so why should it be real now?

Alec held his breath as Jace pulled back a few bare millimeters. For the first time since Jace had entered the room, he looked down, and Alec was not being held by the golden heat. Alec didn't know what Jace wanted—for him to make the next move? How could he when he was barely able to believe that this was real?

But the heat got stronger when Jace suddenly looked up. He narrowed his eyes slightly. Then he kissed Alec again, harder, and more insistently.

He regained control of his brain, and started desperately kissing Jace back. It was like every thought he had ever had about Jace that he had pushed away and hidden was rushing to the surface. He was responding to Jace in ways that he never thought he would. His hands grasped at Jace's black cotton shirt, using it to pull him closer, as if they could manage that.

Jace's hands found the hem of Alec's shirt, and pushed up under it, even as he kept his mouth on Alec's. His hands found their way onto Alec's skin, and started pulling his shirt off, so fiercely that Alec was pushed back, and fell onto the bed.

With Jace laying on top of him, still keeping up the making out, Alec couldn't manage a single coherent thought. Instead of trying, he struggled to remember to breathe as Jace somehow maneuvered his shirt off, and started kissing his neck, and travelling lower. It was like one of Alec's dreams suddenly come to life. He had no idea what was going to happen next, he didn't even know if he was ready for what might come next, but he didn't care. This was Jace—his unattainable love suddenly made attainable.

But although Alec wasn't going to try to control whatever happened, he didn't want it to move too fast; he wanted to enjoy this. He put a hand on Jace's arm, and sat up so that they were once again face to face. He kissed Jace again, trying to capture the feeling in his mind.

Jace didn't seem to mind the way Alec had brought him back away from the muscled expanse of his chest, and returned the kiss just as strongly, moaning slightly.

Suddenly though, Jace pulled away. Alec, thinking he was frustrated that he didn't have all the control, let him, praying that he would realize that Alec would do anything for him, as long as this could continue, and he could prove to Jace exactly how much he needed him.

Instead, Alec's worst nightmares were realized. At first Jace simply stared at a spot somewhere beside Alec's head, not saying anything, but then he met Alec's eyes, and an expression of disgust dawned on his face, twisting his beautiful features. He looked down, as if there was an answer in the tangled sheets of Alec's formerly flawless bed, and then looked back at Alec. "Fuck," he said, spitting out the word.

As fast as any Shadowhunter could move, he was off of the bed, and by the door. For a second Alec thought he hesitated, maybe just for a moment, but he didn't look back. He slammed the door shut as he left.


	4. Chapter 4

**You can all thank Dr. Blind for this chapter. It would probably still be festering on my computer if I hadn't been (unintentionally) guilted into posting it! Thank goodness for that. Enjoy.**

Alec wasn't sure how long he had been lying here, on his bed, trying to figure out how it was that the thing that should have made him want to yell with happiness was instead making him want to start screaming at how horribly wrong everything had gone.

It wasn't often that Alec felt sorry for himself, but if there was ever a time for him to indulge in self-pity, it was now. He buried his face into his pillow, and realized it had become soaked in tears. He felt guilty for showing any weakness, even when he was alone. True, between the two of them Jace was always more vigilant about keeping his emotions in check (and punishing himself when he couldn't manage), but Alec had picked up the habit out of fear that Jace would look down on displays of strong emotion.

He sat up and wiped the tears from his cheeks. When he pulled himself together and went into the bathroom, he winced at his appearance. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was sticking up in every direction, and his face was hectic-looking—flushed, a bit swollen from so much crying. The eyes that looked back at him in the glass were red-rimmed.

With a sigh at the way he had gone completely to pieces, he splashed some water on his face and pushed his hair into an acceptable imitation of compliance. Then he went back to his bed and sat on the edge, thinking about what he should do now.

There was one hard knock on his door, and it opened. Unprepared, he scrambled for some way to hide the obvious signs that he had been crying. Before he could make a single effective move, Isabelle poked her head in and announced shortly, "Dinner."

She was about to pull her head back out and return to finish the food up, and Alec was thanking the Angel that she hadn't noticed anything, when she paused, studied him for a second, and frowned. She opened the door a little wider, walked in, and closed it behind her. Alec looked down, hoping she wasn't about to comment on the clear signs that he had been crying.

With a sigh, she sat down on the bed beside him and said, "Why have you been crying?"

So much for hoping she wouldn't notice. Resigned, he looked straight at her and said, "Me and Jace had a fight. It's no big deal."

Fights with Jace were not unheard of at the Institute—in fact, they could be counted upon at least a couple times a week. Normally, however, those fights didn't end with tears.

Isabelle looked skeptical at his attempted nonchalance, to say the least. Alec could tell she wasn't buying it, but knew him well enough not to push the topic.

"I'm sure you can manage to forgive each other by the end of the night," she said. Whether or not she had confidence in her words, Alec didn't know. He wanted to believe her, but knew it was probably impossible for him to have any hope of it happening.

When he didn't reply, she got up, and left, saying, "Come to dinner whenever you want. Or not at all. I can tell them you don't feel well."

Alec didn't seriously consider staying in his room. That would only make the situation worse. Better to go downstairs and face Jace than to stay up here and make him realize how much his abrupt arrival had affected

He straightened himself up—better to look normal and be miserable inside than to have his parents know there was something wrong—and then went to the dining room.

A rare sight greeted him—a totally normal family dinner. He couldn't remember the last time there had been a "normal" family dinner in their house.

His parents were sitting, talking quietly, and Isabelle was listening to them intently, probably about to offer some unsolicited comment. It was so typical, the way she was paying such close attention, ready to offer her opinion. They were all eating pasta in the red sauce that Maryse occasionally made, Alec's favorite. It was so rare that she cooked, but when she did, it was great. Much better than anything Isabelle had ever managed.

The only one who acknowledged his late appearance was Jace—who did so by giving him no notice at all, in a very studied, calculated way. Alec had no choice but to take the seat directly next to Jace, but there wasn't a single twitch from him. Their eyes didn't meet for even a single half second.

Somehow, Jace was able to keep this up for the next fifteen minutes, and Alec didn't know whether to be happy about it, or frustrated. More than anything he wished he could rewind, and go back to when Jace was totally clueless as to his attraction.

The tension was incredibly thick between them. Alec could barely eat anything. He felt like his stomach had turned into lead which had then been drenched in acidic demon blood, and left to boil in the cavity of his body in order to torture every cell that he possessed.

And that was just the nausea. His own personal feelings about this entire horrible situation were giving him an unbearable headache.

Seventeen minutes. Alec knew because he'd been glancing at his watch every few seconds it seemed, hoping that the engrossing conversation his parents were having was going to die down soon, and they would all be free to leave.

In fact, he was about to ask that he be excused, when he reached for his water, just as Jace went for the last piece of bread in the middle of the table.

They bumped hands, and automatically Alec looked right at him and mumbled, "Sorry." He froze when their eyes met. His abdomen seemed to drop three stories, and a high-strung hum started throughout his body. Jace's were blazing with a peculiar intensity that Alec had never seen before—it was almost like it was causing Jace pain to look at him. Never mind the usual jolts of electricity that seemed to attack Alec's entire body whenever he looked at Jace.

Then Jace narrowed his eyes, and turned away, and Alec felt even worse than before. How was that possible?

Finally, mercifully, the dinner was over. Before Jace and Alec could dash out the door though, to flee in opposite directions, maryse saw them, and delivered what Alec thought might as well have been a death sentence.

"Why don't you two go and get some training? When was the last time you had a good session, just the two of you? It would do you good to get some relaxed exercise in." Only Maryse would refer to training as "relaxed."

Alec's only opinion on the idea was that it was a terrible one. "I don't think that's such a—"

"Good idea," Jace said, not looking at Alec. His voice was tinged with what sounded like…excitement. Glee. As if training with Alec was all he could have wanted right now.

Alec was so shocked, he didn't know what to do, and obediently he followed Jace to the training room.

Jace strode to the center of the room, bouncing lightly on his feet. His expression was familiar to Alec—he was ready for a fight. Before they trained though—if they did—Alec needed say something.

"Jace," he started, uncertain. "I'm sorry."

The look of surprise that he got was expected. "Sorry?"

"I just…I fucked up." It looked like he was going to get a chance to continue. Jace didn't say anything.

"You don't understand," Alec said with resignation. "I don't know if you ever will. You probably will never feel the same way about me, and can't even imagine feeling like this. "

Jace stared at him with an unfathomable expression, and didn't say anything.

"But I need you," Alec continued, marveling at how these words were spilling out, and it was almost like he couldn't stop them. "You remember how you told me about the first time you went alone to hunt demons? You said that you got trapped in that room in the back of Pandemonium, and it was completely dark. You couldn't see anything, and there was only one door, with a demon between you and the way out. You said that you were so scared, but you knew you were going to be dead if you didn't kill it, so you got out your blade, and named it, Cambriel. You said that before you did that, your whole body was frozen, with fear, and you could feel the demon, or the darkness creeping towards you. But when you saw the light from your blade, you regained your courage, the bravery I know you hold in yourself always, because I see it every day. I think you pretend it's just recklessness, but it's your own—it's your courage. The light restored you, and brought you out alive. Maybe you can understand this: you're the light. For me, you're the light."

Through Alec's recount of his first solo fight, Jace had kept his impassive expression, standing as casually as if Alec had simply asked for a spare pair of socks, instead of make this long declaration, the most either of them had heard Alec say all at once to anyone.

With a look that was almost angry with its intensity, Alec met Jace's eyes, and said, "I love you."

Jace's eyes flashed with something indecipherable, and he lunged forward. For a split second Alec thought maybe it was an act of passion—that one more time he would get to kiss Jace. He was wrong.

There was barely enough time for him to prepare himself before Jace attacked. The intensity of kicks and punches he received was much more than Jace had ever directed at him.

Slowly, he was pushed backwards towards the wall, managing only a few blows of his own against his opponent, and blocking most of the ones that came at him. The ones that did get through were painful, and he knew he would be in a lot of pain in the morning.

Jace caught his cheekbone in a powerful punch, though he was still holding back enough that nothing seemed to break. It went slightly numb, and as Alec was still reeling, he clumsily blocked a kick to his chest that knocked the wind out of him.

He was so caught up in the fight, that he didn't keep track of how fast Jace was advancing until his back hit the rack of weapons, which dug painfully into the muscle. Thankfully whatever he had hit had a blunt edge, but it was going to bruise nonetheless, the way Jace was still pushing him into it.

Alec tried to keep his gaze level, but once again, the very look on Jace's face was too much. It spoke of pain—and a danger to whoever was under its gaze. He glanced away, and then back again.

Too much. Too much to deal with, and interpret, and agonize over. With or without his confession of love, Alec was ready to ask Jace to forget it all, to forget everything.

Then Jace's lips found Alec's and he forgot every insane thought that had been going through his head. He didn't know what to think, so he didn't bother. With something akin to violence, Jace pushed him harder against the edges that still pressed against his back. Fingers threaded through his hair and pulled agonizingly, eliciting a groan from Alec that he had a hard time believing had really issued from his mouth. Jace broke away and took a sharp breath, darting back in to start kissing Alec's neck, undoubtedly leaving marks that he would have to explain later. There was a pain that edged this entire encounter, a bit of agony that made it even more pleasurable. He groaned again, gripping the other boy's shirt as Jace bit his earlobe gently, and then returned to his lips with more passion than before.

And still, there was always this anger seeping through, from the way Jace seemed to want to hurt him, even as he made him feel so good. With desperation, Jace grabbed Alec's hands, never stopping to break away, and guided him none to gently underneath his shirt, so that Alec could feel Jace's Marked skin under his trembling hands.

He almost froze when Jace moved _his _hands somewhere else—somewhere that, if he was Simon, he might be inclined to call the Final Frontier. Alec's finger convulsively dug into Jace's back, making him moan a little in return. Alec couldn't believe how hot that was.

Before anything could continue further, the last sound Alec wanted to hear floated down the hallway, and through the door of the training room that was cracked open. It was the clicking of Isabelle's distinctive boots on the floor.

The two of them sprang apart as fast as they possibly could, with Jace practically on the other side of the room before Isabelle entered. There was absolutely nothing to suspect from the point of view of an outsider—yet Alec thought his heart was never going to stop pounding, both from what had just happened with Jace and the fear that Isabelle would notice something amiss.

She saw them, flushed and sweating, and smiled. "Wow, you guys were doing some pretty intense training, huh? How are you not exhausted from those demons we got today? Jeez. Well, at least you got over whatever was up earlier. So, who wants to practice some archery with me?"

Alec politely excused himself, and Jace declined as well. Isabelle looked disappointed, but Alec didn't think he could have concentrated if Jace was within fifty feet of him, and his pulse was still racing from what had been interrupted by his sister. He hardly dared to imagine what would have happened if she hadn't come in. He doubted that he would manage to sleep tonight.

**If you liked it, review!**

**(By the way, smut to come soon. Very soon.)**


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